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Fucking Faggot

 
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Christopher



Joined: 03 Dec 2003
Posts: 78
Location: Toronto

PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 10:23 pm    Post subject: Fucking Faggot Reply with quote

There was a time that I removed myself from gay culture. Most gay men in the gay community triggered me. I judged all their choices. I judged how some gay men talked, what they talked about, how they dressed, how they spent their money, how they spent their time. I judged their choices around relationships, their views on the world. I judged their outrageousness. I couldn't understand how some people could celebrate these gay men.

After I came out at 19, I hardly hid my sexual preferences from anyone, and yet, I began a journey of controlling my actions, my appearance, in a direction that I thought was acceptable for a gay man to exhibit. Sure, there were many that found me and saw me at times as flamboyant and "gay", but I strived to be all those things to a certain degree, to the "right" amount. I thought of myself as an example to all of how all gay men should be. I created an ideal in my mind, did my best to emulate it, and then wished everyone else would too. I cringed at gay men who acted "gayer"(!) than me, as I thought of them as giving all gay men a bad name. I thought, they were the ones responsible for encouraging hate and homophobia, separation, confusion and miscommunication and misunderstanding.

I came to seperate myself from the gay community at large and only interacted with "enlightened" gay men, who saw themselves as better than those "other" gay men. Yet again, I went up the mountain, shunning those who did things differently. There was a benefit at the time to surround myself with the like-minded. I needed them to support my illusion. I needed the gift of time before I could jump.

These gay men triggered me. Made me angry. I wanted to shake them, to shut them up.

The journey was a long one, with many twists and turns, but I have now come to see the amazing reflection they were and are to me of my fears around my sexuality, of my choice to manifest as a gay man, of my fears around being an outcast, not good enough, bad, unlovable, alone, rejected, damaged. Yes, there is a lot of healing and growth needed within the gay community (they've taken on the guilt of the world), and I am one who's chosen to assist those who choose to work with me, on their journies of self-love, acceptance and self-empowerment. I've realized though, that the most significant way that I can be of assistance is through the example of myself. Those illusions and fears I have seen my way through, I can then assist others through.

I so appreciate all gay men, for the work that they have done and continue to do. They are triggering all of society to look at its fears around sexuality, the feminine, the masculine, the illusions of gender and appearance, promisquity, alteernative relationships and partnerships, harm, pain, pleasure...and so much more. They have come in to play with me, to trigger me, just as I have triggered others. I have brought out the uncomfortableness and fear of others just by being myself. For this work, just as in the 13th Strand, they, along with others were given a standing ovation, I join in with my applause. I celebrate them, and I celebrate myself.

Of course, so many others in society are reflecting back to us all of these illusions, fears, and our limiting belief structures. They're just doing it in their own unique way, blasting themselves through consciousness like a speeding train.

There are many times that I'm uncomfortable with the choices that people make around me, gay or straight. More and more though, I'm choosing to encompass all choice. To see the benefit of all directions. To see myself in the gay-basher, the uncomfortable straight man, the furious homophobe, the indifferent observer, the gay snob, the screaming queen, the leather-daddy, the abuser, the dog-slave, the gay husband, the gay country-couple, the drag queen, the straight-to-bed guy, the boy-toy, the AIDS patient, the closeted husband, the nelly, the fag, the faggot, the queer, the fudge-packer, the cocksucker, the top, the bottom, the healer, the lover, the Saviour, the Messiah, the Messenger...the limitless roles, characters, beings, under the sky and moon, in all the cracks and valleys of the universe.

I wish to encompass all of these and so many others I didn't mention, and to remove all of my judgment around these roles, these masks and illusions. My journey of full appreciation is not complete yet, but I'm on my way, walking down a hall of mirrors, pausing before each one to kiss it, before I move on.

The God'Goddess of Love,
Christopher
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elizabeth



Joined: 10 Sep 2004
Posts: 47

PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2004 5:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Christopher,

Thank you for writing this post!! One thing your post reminded me of, is that we are all immersed in different life-settings, and it may look different outwardly but the lessons we are learning are exactly the same. The lesson being to evolve more into love, joy, and the all-that-is.

Also, thank you for writing this post, because it gives me the opportunity to address this feeling that I have had for a while.
I have felt so weird with you ever since I began reading the forum. It's like I don't know how I should relate to you. I have noticed that I change how I would normally behave because I know you are gay. For example, I might be thinking something, and if it were a straight guy, I would censor what I would write because it is a very "female" type of issue, that they wouldn't be able to relate to, or, because I would not want to give them the wrong impression. But, with you, I found myself thinking something and I would write it because I thought "well, he's gay, so he has more female energy and will understand", or "well, he's gay so there is no chance it will give the wrong impression."
So, I thought, should I relate to him as if he's a woman?? I don't know!!
You perplex me! You have such a unique energy configuration, that is completely foreign to me! I am intrigued by it, yet I feel so mixed-up.

However, I am happy that you provide this energy for everyone. It is the One expressing itself in all it's diversity.
elizabeth
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Christopher



Joined: 03 Dec 2003
Posts: 78
Location: Toronto

PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2004 6:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Elizabeth,

I recently experienced a channel of Tobias that addreses many of the questions and ideas you've shared here. This was a channel called: ""The 13th Strand" – A Spiritual Perspective of Gay and Lesbian Energies"

In this session, in addition to answering a lot of my questions around the choice to be "gay", Tobias talks about the existence of a 13th DNA strand:

"Scientists, right now, understand that there are two basic strands to the DNA. Some of the more – how to say – progressive scientists and thinkers of your time, have come to realize that there are not only two visible strands, but that there are also ten invisible strands, for a total of twelve.

What they have not seen yet, but that has been coming onto reality on earth, is there is a 13th strand. And it is what we call the Unity Strand. This is the energetic element that brings together all of the other elements that have been in polarity, within any human body and within any human consciousness. This 13th strand allows the reunification of masculine and feminine. It allows for the reunification of what you would call light and dark, or good and bad. It brings back into unity all of the old duality elements.

So, somehow this 13th strand had to be manifested on earth, through a biological method, for it to – how to say – become embedded in the consciousness... so that others could eventually take advantage of this and bring together all of their fragmented parts and pieces of their past lives, of their consciousness.

So there was a very small group, and a very - how to say – courageous group who agreed, particularly in this last fifty years of time, to come to earth with this 13th DNA strand and allow it to begin manifesting in consciousness. Specifically – how to say – we'd have to say every angel, who volunteered for this job of bringing in the 13th strand, ended up being what you would call gay or lesbian. Or what we call blended. Because they have an inherent balance... equal balance of masculine and feminine energy within their consciousness. Perhaps it is not expressed in their biology simply because of the way biology is set up right now, but they came to earth and, because of the balance of these energies, they chose to become what you would now call gay or lesbian.

They carry an equal balance, but more importantly, they carry the 13th DNA strand with them. As the gays and lesbians in the past few generations have made so much progress on earth, helping to open the minds of other people on earth, you will find more and more of those who incarnating to earth now will be able to take on the 13th strand and hold a balance of masculine and feminine energy. They will not all necessarily choose to be gay or lesbian, but they will be blended."


Wink Pretty cool, huh?

So, "the blended ones” are helping to resolve and encompass all polarities, manifest this unity energy within themselves, and ultimately sharing it with and for all of humanity, the whole universe! My journey is becoming clearer to me as I manifest myself more and more into my encompassing, blended brilliance.

The entire channel resonnated strongly with me. Though some of the language was different than The Wonders would use, experiencing this material (an 1.5 hour session) moved me to tears of joy and recognition. I heard The Wonders speaking to me throughout, while they surrounded me with their love.

Thank You Elizabeth for your appreciation of me and my sharing. Feel free to relate to me as a man AND as a woman, or as a man, or as a woman. Whatever you choose in the moment. I don't mind. Call me Sparky if you like. Its All Me. They're all names for peas in a pod : )

The God'Goddess of Love,
Mr. Green Christopher


-------
Quotation taken from the channel: "The 13th Strand" – A Spiritual Perspective of Gay and Lesbian Energies.
Recorded June 19, 2004 in Franktown, Colorado. Hosted by Linda Benyo and Dr. Douglas Davies. Featuring Tobias through Geoffrey Hoppe.

Available at: http://crimsoncircle.com/store-workshops.htm
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Judy



Joined: 22 Nov 2003
Posts: 2468
Location: Toronto, Ontario

PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2004 8:19 pm    Post subject: Sweet Angels Reply with quote

Shocked Cool Wink Arrow Exclamation Evil or Very Mad Twisted Evil Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Very Happy
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Judy



Joined: 22 Nov 2003
Posts: 2468
Location: Toronto, Ontario

PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2004 8:25 pm    Post subject: Almost Forgot Reply with quote

How's the facation - are you having fun yet? I wasn't sure how the meeting was going to go so was a little concerned about all parties currently inolved in the negitioations. remember, my boy, keep a cool head - you know sometimes you get going a ittle high and & have so much problems setting you down a night. Call when you can - would love to hear you voice. I now it gets exciting out there but really need a little boost. Wold love to hear you sin me a lullabye - something to soothe my hangle nerves. You city earlier game me some lovely lemon tea and that was so wonderful. Oh lee anne dropped by and she was taking to kalan porter. she loves his voice - the said she thought he looked like an agen. I wa having a dream about him, remember when we were watching hijm on Canadian Idol - I saw a halo on his head. what did that mean to you. Jut wondering

Love & kisses ) BIG HUGS AS ALWAYS
KET BACK TO ME WHEN YOU CAN -
kiss iss
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